Carrie, the kids, and I went to an outlet mall where they had literally hundreds of name brand outlet stores to choose from. Now being a child of the 80's, you can imagine my joy when I came across the Izod store. Growing up, we had little money and certainly not enough to spend on such expensive shirts so, now that I am financially secure enough to afford such luxuries, my exuberance was almost overwhelming. I was going to get that little alligator on my chest for that little boy who could only watch the other kids partake in the 80s status symbol known as Izod.

Looking around, I noticed there was not an alligator in sight, just a crest with an "I" boldly displayed on everything. I went up to the bubble-gum smacking teen whose memory of the 80s consisted of soiled diapers and asked her where all of the alligators had gone. She looked at me like I had three heads and hesitantly said, "Sir (Yes, she actually called me sir which kicked up a little arthritis twitch in my joints) Izod and Lacosse split up about ten years ago."

TEN YEARS!! For the love of humanity, have I been out of the loop for a full decade?!! Besides feeling suddenly old, extremely non-hip, and generally pretty damn stupid, I slithered away and grabbed a Forest green shirt. Damn it, I was getting my Izod no matter what.

As a final insult, little Miss pimple farm informs me at the register that there is a Lacosse store down the mall. I thank her, mentally giving her the finger (the 80s kind, too, with bent fore and ring finger up to the middle knuckle!) As we passed by the store, I saw the alligators and to my relief I actually recognized that wearing that would date me more than the grey hairs that have started to sprout on my head. I resisted and now own the trendy crest with the "I" in the middle.

Last night, the wife and I went to a party and I was wearing that shirt. Yes, I beamed as I wore an IZOD shirt... an actual IZOD shirt!! I wanted to hear a little Duran Duran or even some Eurythmics but, alas, it was not to be. At least I did not try to feather my hair down the middle.

Next on the agenda, to find a white sportjacket with pants to match.

Long live the 80s!!!!