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22 THINGS I DIDN'T KNOW BEFORE I HAD KIDS

 

 
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1. Who John Jacob Jingle Heimershmitt is.

2. How to change a diaper in the dark, in a parked car, on a standing child and all of the above simultaneously.

3. Which lines of The Cat in the Hat and If I Ran the Circus can be skipped over without a child noticing.

4. How bright a 3 a.m. full moon is.

5. The design marvels of hooded towels, Velcro-strap shoes and mitten clips.

6. Locations of public restrooms all across town.

7. Why anyone would bother retracing their steps for miles just to retrieve a lost blankie.

8. That tigers live in the trees in our backyard.

9. How to open a van door while bobbling 2 lunch boxes, two extra coats, a purse, a diaper bag and a baby.

10. That solid white socks get lost in the dryer at a much slower rate than do the mates of patterned socks that coordinate to special outfits.

11. How little sleep a human body truly needs to function.

12. Almost every Disney lyric ever penned.

13. How to spell amoxicillin, let alone say it.

14. That one can never own too many sippy cup lids or refrigerator magnets.

15. Scientific names of dinosaurs from A to Z.

16. That reverse psychology really works.

17. The recipe for a homemade version of Play-doh.

18. The distinctive sounds of Cheerios crunching underfoot.

19. Why they call them Happy meals.

20. How far you can dilute juice and still retain it's taste.

21. The blessedness of naps, the inviolate importance of routines.

22. How much you could love one human being!



Email -- jdgrose115@polyglut.net
Web -- http://members.tripod.com/~jdgrose115/

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