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APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

 

 
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NOTE: this application will be rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your physician.

1. Full Name: ______________________________ DOB:________________________

2. Height: _________________ Weight: _____________ IQ ________ GPA__________

3. Social Security #: ____________________ Driver’s License # ___________________

4. Boy Scout Rank_____________________ High School Attended _________________

5. Home Address: _____________________ City/State/Zip________________________

6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent? ______ # of years married: _____

7. Do you own a van? ________ A truck with oversized tires? _______ Waterbed? _____

8. In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you? ____________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

9. In 50 words or less, what does DON’T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER mean to you? ____

_____________________________________________________________________

10. In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you? ____________________

______________________________________________________________________

11. Church you attend: ___________________________ How often? _______________

12. When is the best time to interview you mother and father? _____________________

13. Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely. All answers are confidential. (That means I won’t tell anyone – ever, I promise)

A: If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want to be wounded is : ____

B. If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is : ___________________

C. A woman’s place is in the _________________________________________

D. The thing I hope this application does not ask me is: _____________________

E. When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is: _______________

(NOTE: If answer “E” begins with “T” or “A” or anything associated with those areas, discontinue and leave premises, keeping your head low, and run. High speed is preferable.)

14. What do you want to be if you grow up? ____________________________________

15. Do you think disembowelment or emasculation hurts more? _______________________

FINE PRINT: I SWEAR THAT ALL THE INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE. I SWEAR UNDER THE PENALTY OF DEATH, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND THE MARINE CORPS MONKEY STOMP.

______________________________
SIGNATURE (that means you, moron)

Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can’t and it would cause you great bodily harm). If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing cammy paint and carry high-powered rifles with a target scope, hiding in the dense forest or high areas. Once again, thank you.


Email -- jdgrose115@polyglut.net
Web -- http://members.tripod.com/~jdgrose115/

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