In the beginning was God and all else was darkness and void,
and without form. So God created the heavens and the Earth.
He created the sun and the moon and the stars so that light
might pierce the darkness. The Earth, God divided between the
land and the sea and these He filled with many assorted creatures.
The dark, salty, slimy creatures that inhabited the murky
depths of the oceans, God called sailors and he dressed them
accordingly, with little trousers that looked like bells at
the bottom and with cute little flaps on their shirts to hide
hickies on their necks. He also gave them long sideburns and
shabby looking beards. God nicknamed them "squids"
and banished them to a lifetime at sea so that normal folks
would not have to associate with them. To further identify these
unloved creatures, He called them petty and commodore instead
of titles worthy of red-blooded men.
And the flighty creatures of the land, God called soldiers.
With a twinkle in His eye, and a sense of humor that only He
could have, God made their covers too large and their trousers
too short with pockets to warm their hands. And to adorn their
uniforms, God gave them badges in quantities that only a dime
store owner could appreciate. And he gave them emblems and crests,
and all sorts of shiny things that glittered, and devices that
dangled. (When you are God, you tend to get carried away in
a big way.)
On the 5th day, He thought about creating some air creatures
for which he designed a Greyhound bus driver's uniform especially
for flyboys. But He discarded the idea during the first week
and it was not until years later that some apostles "resurrected"
this theme and established what we now know as the wild blue
On the 7th day, as you know, God rested. And on the 8th
day, at 0730, God looked down upon the Earth and was not happy.
Alas, God was not happy!!
So He thought about His labors, and in His infinite wisdom,
God created a divine creature, and this he called a Marine.
And these Marines, who God had created in His own image, were
to be of the air and of the land and also of the sea. To these
beloved cratures, He gave many wonderful uniforms. Some were
green, some were blue with red trim, and, in the early days,
some were even a beautiful tan. He gave them practical, fighting
uniforms so that they could wage war against the forces of Satan
He also gave them service uniforms for their daily work and
training, that they might be sharp and ready. He gave them evening
and dress uniforms ... sharp, stylish, handsome things, so they
might promenade with their ladies on Saturday night and impress
the **** out of everybody! He even gave them swords so that
people who were not impressed could be dealt with.
And at the end of the 8th day, God looked down upon the
Earth and saw that it was good. But was God happy? No!! God
was still not happy!! Because in the course of his labors, He
had forgotten one thing ... He did not have a Marine uniform
himself!!! But He thought about it and thought about it, and
finally satisfied Himself in knowing that, well ... not everyone
can be a MARINE.