Captain Grose's Humor pages

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Here are the latest submissions to the new FM 101-5-1 (Operational Terms and Graphics)

Back-Stop: A term used to cover a staff failure to properly wargame a course of action. A term used by infantry showing how "Hope" is a method incorporated to defeat the enemy. "If the enemy gets through the engagement area, we have Delta Company placed here - to back stop the Battalion defense."
Befuckled: Confused, characterized by a state of genuine, profound disorientation; perpetual state of all Chemical units.

Bells and whistles: An inordinate amount of cheese, not required to get necessary information communicated to another individual or group of individuals. Commonly associated with Canine and Equestrian Theater.

Blah, Blah, Blah: Short for, "You know what I'm going to say anyway, so I'm not going to waste our time to actually say it." Also Yada Yada Yada, or Homina Homina, or humma humma humma.

Cheetah Flips: The Course of Action Development phase of the Military Decision Making Process in an imagined crisis environment (often replicated by headquarters during daily operations).

Critical Terrain: Terrain that if not secured, grabbed, taken or camped out on - you are screwed. A new category to describe terrain in FM 34-130 (Critical - Decisive - Key).

Dick-Dancing: A term of endearment about you used by your brigade or battalion commander. Usually based on cause and effect; usually used after you fail to demonstrate how to properly execute a task.

Drive By: Engaging the enemy while bypassing. Meets both the destruction and bypass criteria given in the OPORD.

Fan-Out: A dismounted operation involving soldiers on the ground maximizing the amount of terrain they can cover or disperse over.

Flail-Ex: Also known as the planning process.

Flex: A really cool sounding non-doctrinal term used to maneuver a unit from one location to another. Used primarily when you don't have a clue where you are or how the hell to get to the new location.

Get Up and Haul Ass: A movement technique that requires all elements within the organization to cross the LD yesterday.

Gettin' Jiggy With It: A friendly oriented, offensive form of maneuver that simultaneously utilizes at least three maneuver elements.

Goocy(Gucci) Move: Altering Commander's Intent, commander's guidance, or violating the fundamentals of reconnaissance or security operations.

Hang out: To establish a position characterized by a total lack of security, soldiers asleep in hammocks and a huge BBQ pit turning out chow. A task usually accomplished by Air Defenders.

Hey, Diddle, Diddle: Group of words used to describe a possible COA that allows for no analytical thought and ensures a minimum 75% casualty rate. Known also, to the USMC, as High, Diddle, Diddle.

Hit: Term for applying massed effects against the enemy. As in " First we'll hit these guys over here then we'll hit these guys, and then the guys over here will be hit with asymmetrical dominance from assets from EAC." * Boned: A term used in response to orders issued from a higher commander. As in "I am the counter-reconnaissance company and the battalion reserve at the same time - I got BONED"

Kabookie Dick Dance: Deceptive movement technique and/or creative verbage used in explanations designed to baffle enemy forces as to the main axis of advance as well as perplex higher chains of command on what the true purpose of your mission really is. Common most among the Field Artillery.

Kick-Out: An armor technique used to employ light infantry to clear severely restricted terrain in order to allow the armor to pass.

Let's Rock Baby: Radio Communications pro-word for, "Guidons, this is 2 Panther 6, FRAGO follows, acknowledge, over."

Mop-up: A term for the actions occurring just after you discover you are actually on the objective, in the enemy's fire-sack, you pick it that implies a willingness to expose oneself to lethal fires.

Paint the Picture: A term used to gather information and assess the situation. Usually asked by senior leaders to junior leaders. Usually invoked after the senior leader has gotten sleep and knows Absolutely nothing of the tactical situation, while the battle captain has been up all night.

Phase: Infantry term for we don't know how to write paragraph three.

Police-Up: An Infantry operation to defeat the remaining enemy on an objective after Armor forces by-pass or attempt to avoid confrontation.

Pound the shit out of: Somewhere between disrupt and destroy and slightly more than neutralize.

Primary hammer, The Hammer: A cool operational term to impress a superior when describing the finishing force, or the main effort.

SELFCON: This is when a junior commander (usually a captain) comes to the realization that his higher is completely clueless (perhaps even befuckled) so he simply attaches himself and his command to another unit.

Squirrel Ex: The Wargaming phase of the MDMP after all Cheetah Flips are completed, briefed and refined. The Squirrel Ex phase normally culminates with a 102 color slide briefing clearly outlining what can be said in a well written paragraph (formerly know as the Commander's intent and / or concept of the operation)this phase is often called a Cheese Ex. This is the Force XXI cause of the "Fog of War".

Sweep: A fluid, noncontinuous form of battlespace dominance usually combined with zippin' around or gettin' jiggy with it.

Take-Down: An aggressive former wrestling term used to describe your actions on the objective and inherent lack of regard for the enemy's capabilities.

Technique: A noun, used in the phrase, "That's a technique." Translated, "That's a really screwed up way to execute this operation and you will probably kill your entire unit. But if you want to do it that way, go ahead."

Triple-Hull Down: A term associated with force-protection, fratricide and self-preservation. In order to prevent being fired on by friends when saying something stupid, hiding from the boss who has a tasker that only you can fill, or to cover your ass from being smoked by anyone.

Zipping Around: An aviation movement technique in which the helicopters appear to fly around aimlessly at a high rate of speed impressing the Ground Combat Troops with their speed and dash. Occasionally encompasses "Gettin' Jiggy With It" and usually used in a zone reconnaissance.

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