Captain Grose's Humor pages

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1. "Since my last report, this Marine has reached rock bottom and has started to dig."

2. "His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity."

3. "I would not allow this employee to breed."

4. "This Marine is really not so much of a ‘has been,’ but more of a definite ‘won't be.’"

5. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."

6. "When he opens his mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."

7. "He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."

8. "This young Marine has delusions of adequacy."

9. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."

10. "This Marine is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

11. "This Marine should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better."

12. "Got a full six-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together."

13."A gross ignoramus--144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."

14. "He certainly takes a long time to make his pointless."

15. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."

16."I would like to go hunting with him sometime."

17. "He's been working with glue too much."

18. "He would argue with a signpost."

19. "He has a knack for making strangers immediately."

20. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."

21. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."

22. "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one."

23."A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."

24."A prime candidate for natural de-selection."

25. "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."

26. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."

27. "Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it."

28. If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."

29. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."

30. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."

31. "It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."

32. "One neuron short of a synapse."

33. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."

34. "Takes him two hours to watch '60 Minutes'."

35. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."

36. "Has not seen his belt buckle since the 70s."

37. "A Gunnery Sergeant filling a Private's billet and failing miserably."

38. "If stupidity were a brick, he would be the projects."

39. "Creates a crisis management atmosphere and works well in it"

40. "Assign him to the most efficient organization in the Marine Corps; he will fix it"

41. "With a beer belly like his, we should select him for Chief"

42 "Enthusiastically participated in all funeral details"

43. "Once a task has been thoroughly and carefully explained, he can carry it out with minimal supervision"

44. "This SNCO is so big we had to estimate his body fat percentage"

45. "If he lets his breath out, his belly will hit his socks"

46. "Couldn't lead a drunk to happy hour"

47. "In time of combat, I desire this Marine as a parapet"

48. "Next to useless, he is talentless"

49. "Could be satisfactorily replaced by a brick"

50. "Looks like a bruised pear in a wrinkled set of Charlies"

51. "His picture looks like a bag tied in the middle"

52. "Hasn't seen his belt since 1978"

53. "Hampered by his inability to read, write, and speak"

54. "Fails to live up to the low standards he sets for himself"

55. "I hope they took that picture fast; he could have passed out from sucking it in"

56. "The GySgt is fat; he was fat years ago, and is still fat today"

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