....when she was diagnosed with the flesh eating disease the doctor gave her 13 years to live.
....she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
....her ass has its own congressman.
....her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.
....when she goes to the zoo the elephants throw her peanuts.
....her high school graduation picture was an aerial photograph.
....her driver's license says "Picture continued on other side."
....the back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs.
....all the restaurants in town have signs that say "Maximum Occupancy: 240 Patrons OR Yo Mama".
....when she ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.
....when she gets in an elevator, it HAS to go down.
....she was born with a silver shovel in her mouth.
....she's got smaller fat women orbiting around her.
....I had to take a train and two buses just to get on her good side.
....they had to grease a door frame and hold a Twinkie on the other side to get her through.
....her nickname is "DAAAMN!!"
....she has to iron her pants on the driveway.
....she's on BOTH sides of the family.
....when I yell "Kool-Aid," she comes crashing through the wall.
....she could sell shade.
....when she crosses the street, cars look out for her.
....people jog around her for exercise.
....she gets runs in her jeans.
....her blood type is Ragu.
....when she goes to a restaurant, she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate.
....if she got her shoes shined, she'd have to take his word for it!
....she has to put her belt on with a boomerang.
....when she turns around, people throw her a welcome back party.
....she can't even jump to a conclusion.
....she went to the movies and sat next to everyone.
....her belly button doesn't have lint, it has sweaters.
....she was walking down the street, I swerved to miss her, and ran out of gas.