Captain Grose's Humor pages

 
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HOW DO YOU GET HOLY WATER?
You boil the hell out of it.

WHAT DO FISH SAY WHEN THEY HIT A CONCRETE WALL?
Dam.

WHAT DO YOU CALL A BOOMERANG THAT DOESN'T WORK?
A stick.

WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU CROSS A SNOWMAN WITH VAMPIRE?
Frostbite.

WHAT LIES AT THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN AND TWITCHES?
A nervous wreck.

WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ROAST BEEF AND PEA SOUP?
Anyone can roast beef.

WHERE DO YOU FIND A DOG WITH NO LEGS?
Right where you left him.

WHY DO GORILLAS HAVE BIG NOSTRILS?
Because they have big fingers.

WHY DON'T BLIND PEOPLE LIKE TO SKY DIVE?
Because it scares hell out of the dog.

WHAT KIND OF COFFEE WAS SERVED ON THE TITANIC?
Sanka.

WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A HARLEY AND HOOVER?
The location of the dirt bag.

WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BAD GOLFER AND A BAD SKY DIVER?
A bad golfer goes whack, damn. A bad skydiver goes Damn, whack.

WHAT GOES CLOP, CLOP, CLOP, BANG, BANG, CLOP, CLOP, CLOP?
An Amish Drive-By Shooting.

HOW ARE A TEXAS TORNADO AND A TENNESSEE DIVORCE THE SAME?
Either way, somebody's gonna lose a trailer.


Email -- jdgrose115@polyglut.net
Web -- http://members.tripod.com/~jdgrose115/

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