1. Being a parent is like being pecked to death by a duck.
2. Raising teenagers is a lot like nailing Jello to a tree
3. Money isn't everything but it sure keeps the kids in
4. Your life's "Golden Age" is the period in your life when
your kids are to old to require a babysitter and too young to
take the car.
5. Shouting at your children to get cooperation is about
the same as steering your car using the horn...same results.
6. To be in your children's memories tomorrow one must be
in their life today.
7. The best advice regarding raising your children is to
really enjoy them while they are still on your side.
8. A home's temperature is best maintained by warm hearts,
not cold words or hot heads.
9. "The Joy of Motherhood": What a woman experiences after
she puts the last tyke to bed.
10. Any child can tell you that the sole purpose of a middle
name is so that he or she can tell when they are REALLY in trouble.
11. Your children may outgrow your lap...but NEVER your
12. God gave you two ears and only one mouth, so that you
may listen twice as much as you speak.
13. The only true child experts are those that do not yet
have any of their own.
14. Cleaning house with the children at home is a lot like
snowblowing during a blizzard.
15. There are only two things that your child is absolutely
willing to share: Communicable Diseases and their mother's age.
16. Why is it that we can't get a child to read the Bible
at home, but when in prison they will.
17. Remember this? "When you grow up and have children of
your own, I hope that they are JUST LIKE YOU!" It worked.
18. How come your Dad never had money for the ice cream
man but after a visit with Grandpa your kids "jingle?"
19. True genetics have nothing to do with hair and eye color.
It's their occurrence of such things as "Who said life was FAIR",
and “Because I SAID so!" when you SWORE you'd never use those
on your kids.
20. Practice what you preach even covers never letting them
see you snag those Ding Dongs for breakfast.