Captain Grose's Humor pages

 
U
N
I
T
E
D
 
S
T
A
T
E
S
M
A
R
I
N
E
C
O
R
P
S
 
 
 

 

 



In the world of romance, one single rule applies:  Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points.  Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't  get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the  way the game is played. Here is a guide to the point system:

Simple Duties:
You make the bed: +1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative  pillows: 0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled  sheets: -1
You leave the toilet seat up: -5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is  empty: 0
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort  to Kleenex: -1
When the Kleenex runs out you use the next  bathroom: -2
You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners  with wings: +5
In the snow: +8
But return with beer: -5
You check out a suspicious noise at  night: 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is  nothing: 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is  something: +5
You pummel it with a six  iron: +10
It's her pet: -10

Party:
You stay by her side the entire  party: 0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to  chat with a  college drinking buddy: -2
Named Tiffany: -4
Tiffany is a dancer: -6
Tiffany has implants: -80

Her Birthday:
You take her out to dinner: 0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports  bar: +1
Okay, it is a sports bar: -2
And it's all-you-can-eat night: -3
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and  your face is painted the colors of your favorite team: -10

A Night Out With the Boys:
Go with a pal: -5
The pal is happily married: -4
Or frighteningly single: -7
And he drives a Mustang: -10
With a personalized license plate (GR8 N  BED): -15

A Night Out:
You take her to a movie: +2
You take her to a movie she likes: +4
You take her to a movie you hate: +6
You take her to a movie you like: -2
It's called DeathCop 3: -3
Which features cyborgs that eat humans: -9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about  orphans: -15

Your Physique:
You develop a noticeable  potbelly: -15
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to  get rid of it : +10
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to  loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts: -30
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one  too.": -800
The Big Question: She asks, "Do I look fat?" You hesitate in  responding: -10
You reply, "Where?": -35
Any other response: -20

Communication:
When she wants to talk about a  problem: You listen, displaying what looks like a concerned  expression: 0
You listen, for over 30  minutes: +5
You listen for more than 30 minutes  without looking at the TV : +100
She realizes this is because you have fallen  asleep: -200


 

Email -- jdgrose115@polyglut.net
Web -- http://members.tripod.com/~jdgrose115/

Please help me keep this site going...