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THE PROPER DEFINITION OF RANK

 

 
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GENERAL
Leaps tall buildings with a single bound.  Is more powerful than a locomotiv.  Is faster than a speeding bullet.  Walks on water.  Gives policy to God.

Colonel
Leaps short buildings with a single bound.  Is more powerful than a switch engine.  Is just as fast as a speeding bullet.  Walks on water if sea is calm.  Talks with God.

Lieutenant Colonel
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable wind conditions.  Is almost as powerful as a switch engine.  Is faster than a B.B.   Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool.  Talks with God if special request chit is approved.

Major
Barely clears Quonset huts.  Loses tug of war with locomotive.  Can fire a speeding bullet.  Swims well.  Is occasionally addressed by God.

Captain
Makes high marks when trying to leap buildings.  Is run over by locomotives.  Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self injury.  Dog paddles.  Talks to animals.

First Lieutenant
Runs into buildings.  Recognizes most locomotives two out of three times.  Is not issued ammunition.  Can stay afloat it properly instructed in the use of Mae West.  Talks to walls.

Second Lieutenant
Falls over door steps when trying to enter buildings.  Says, "Look at the CHOO CHOO."  Wets himself with a water pistol.  Plays in mud puddles.  Mumbles to himself.

Gunnery Sergeant
Walks through buildings as if they were not there.  Stops a locomotive in its tracks with just a single thought.  Disintegrates water with a passing glance.  Speeding bullets provide him a stationary reference point.  Gives God permission to exist.

Sergeant (any)
Lifts buildings and walks under them.  Kicks locomotives off the tracks.  Catches speeding bullets in his teeth and eats them.  Freezes water with a single glance.  Because he is GOD.
 

Email -- jdgrose115@polyglut.net
Web -- http://members.tripod.com/~jdgrose115/

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