I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas.
Iv ben a good boy all yeer. YeR FReND, BiLLy
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career
in lawn care. How 'bout I send you a comic book so you
can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother
the space ranger, at least HE can spell!
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing
I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
You're parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas,
I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please
see what you can do.
What, like your dad's going to quit banging the
babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane, son? Let
me get you some nice Legos instead.
I want a new bike, Playstation, a train, some G.I.
Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays?
I bet you're gay.
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree,
and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Milk gives me the Hershey squirts and carrots
make the deer fart in my face. You want to kiss my ass?
Leave me a bottle of scotch.
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are
you making Toys?
Your friend, Thomas
All toys get made in China. I have a condo
in Vegas, Where I spend most my time squeezing cocktail waitresses
asses, and losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really
know when we're awake, like in the song?
Are you really that gullible? Good luck
in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.
I really really want a puppy this year. Please
please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?
That whiney begging stuff may work with your folks,
but that crap don't work up here. You're getting a sweater
Dearest Santa, We don't have a chimney in our house,
how do you get into our home? Love,
Firstly, stop calling yourself "Marky," that's
why you're getting your ass whipped at school. Second,
you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment
complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all the
burglars do, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams, Santa