Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that
you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked
for a half dozen nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets",
said the teenager at the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We
only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply. "So I can't order
a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?" "That's right." So
I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.
I was checking out at the local Foodland with just a few
items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close
to mine. I picked up one of those "dividers" that they keep
by the cash register and placed it between our things so they
wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items,
she picked up the divider, looking it all over for the bar code
so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code, she said to
me "Do you know how much this is?" I said, "I've changed my
mind, I don't think I'll buy that today". She said "OK" and
I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue what had
A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy
drive and pulling it out very quickly. When asked what she was
doing, she said she was shopping on the internet and they asked
for a credit card number, so she was using the "ATM thingy".
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside
her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew
I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker.
Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to
a distant convenient store) would have a battery to fit this?"
"Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm too?" I asked. "No, just
this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys
to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I said,
"Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries?
It's a long walk."
Several years ago, we had an intern who was none too swift.
One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm
almost out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier
machine paper," the secretary told her. With that, the intern
took her last remaining blank piece of typing paper, put it
on the photocopier and proceeded to make five copies.
I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor
home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was
in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked
like an extra in "Twister." I asked the manager what had happened.
He told me that the driver had set the "cruise control" and
then went in the back to make a sandwich.
Sign in a gas station: Coke -- 49 cents. Two for a dollar.
My neighbor works in the operations department in the central
office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when
they have problems with their computers. One night he got a
call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question:
"I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you
guys have a fire downtown?"
I was sitting in my science class when the teacher
commented that the next day would be the shortest day of the
year. My lab partner became visibly excited, cheering and clapping.
I explained to her that the amount of daylight changes, not
the actual amount of time. Needless to say, she was very disappointed.
Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by
placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with
wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed
in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time
they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing
the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology
at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very
upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I
quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there
would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She
calmed down, and at the end of the conversation happened to
mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in
order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her
daughter into the Emergency room right away.
Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the airfield
decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were
successful in getting it out of the plane and home. When they
took it for a float on the river, a Coast Guard helicopter coming
towards them surprised them. It turned out that the chopper
was homing in on the emergency locator beacon which activated
when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed
trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his
car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo
of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department
a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter
from the police that contained another picture, this time of
handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.
Guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and
demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier
put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that
he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier
to put it in the bag as well, but he refused and said, "Because
I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but
the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't
believe him. At this point the robber took his driver's license
out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked
it over, and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he
put the scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store
with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave
the name and address of the robber that he got off the license.
They arrested the robber two hours later.
Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly.
He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor
store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder
block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder
block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking
him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass.
The whole event was caught on videotape.
The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked
into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 am flashed
a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he
said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order.
When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't
available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.