Captain Grose's Humor pages




1945 - NCOs had a typewriter on their desks for doing daily reports.
2000 - Everyone has an Internet access computer, and they wonder why no work is getting done.
1945 - We painted pictures of girls on airplanes to remind us of home.
2000 - They put the real thing in the cockpit.
1945 - If you got drunk off duty your buddies would take you back to the barracks to sleep it off.
2000 - If you get drunk they slap you in rehab and ruin your career.
1945 - You were taught to aim at your enemy and shoot him.
2000 - You spray 500 bullets into the brush, don't hit anything, and retreat because you're out of ammo.
1945 - Canteens were made of steel, and you could heat coffee or hot chocolate in them.
2000 - Canteens are made of plastic, you can't heat anything in them, and they always taste like plastic.
1945 - Officers were professional soldiers first and they commanded respect.
2000 - Officers are politicians first and beg not to be given a wedgie.
1945 - They collected enemy intelligence and analyzed it.
2000 - They collect your pee and analyze it.

1945 - If you didn't act right, the Sergeant Major put you in the brig until you straightened up.
2000 - If you don't act right, they start a paper trail that follows you forever.
1945 - Medals were awarded to heroes who saved lives at the risk of their own.
2000 - Medals are awarded to people who work at headquarters.
1945 - You slept in barracks like a soldier.
2000 - You sleep in a dormitory like a college kid.
1945 - You ate in a mess hall, which was free, and you could have all the food you wanted.
2000 - You eat in a dining facility, every slice of bread or pad of butter costs, and you better not take too much.
1945 - We defeated powerful countries like Germany and Japan.
2000 - We come up short against Iraq and Yugoslavia.
1945 - If you wanted to relax, you went to the rec center, played pool, smoked and drank beer.
2000 You go to the community center, and you can play pool.
1945 - If you wanted beer and conversation you went to the NCO or Officers' Club.
2000 - The beer will cost you $2.75, membership is forced, and someone is watching how much you drink.
1945 - The Exchange had bargains for soldiers who didn't make much money.
2000 - You can get better and cheaper merchandise at Wal-Mart.
1945 - We could recognize the enemy by their Nazi helmets.
2000 - We are wearing the Nazi helmets.

1945 - We called the enemy names like "Krauts" and "Japs" because we didn't like them.
2000 - We call the enemy the "opposing force" or "aggressor" because we don't want to offend them.
1945 - Victory was declared when the enemy was defeated and all his things were broken.
2000 - Victory is declared when the enemy says he is sorry.

1945 - A commander would put his butt on the line to protect his people.
2000 - A commander will put his people on the line to protect his butt.

1945 - Wars were planned and run by generals with lots of important victories.
2000 - Wars are planned by politicians with lots of equivocating.
1945 - We were fighting for freedom, and the country was committed to winning.
2000 - We don't know what we're fighting for, and the government is committed to social programs (used to be called 'socialism').
1945 - All you could think about was getting out and becoming a civilian again.
2000 - All you can think about is getting out and becoming a civilian again.

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