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HOW TO GET IN TROUBLE AT HOME

 

 
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(READ THESE ALOUD, MEN)


The last fight was my fault.
My wife asked, “What’s on the TV?”
I said, “Dust!”
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In the beginning, God created earth and rested.
Then God created man and rested.
Then God created woman.
Since then, neither God nor man has rested.
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Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
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A beggar walked up to a well dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said,
"I haven’t eaten anything in four days."
She looked at him and said, “God, I wish I had your willpower.”
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Do you know the punishment for bigamy?
Two Mother-in-laws.
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Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country,son.
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A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classified: “Wife wanted”. Next day he received  a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.”
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The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
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First guy (proudly): “My wife’s an angel!”
Second guy: “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”
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How do most men define marriage?
An expensive way to get laundry done for free.
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Just think, if it weren’t for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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If you want your wife to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
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Then there was a man who said, “I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late.”
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A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?”
And the father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”
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The bumper sticker read:  “I lost 250 pounds in one day, I divorced her.”
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Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street wearing a baseball cap and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.

Email -- jdgrose115@polyglut.net
Web -- http://members.tripod.com/~jdgrose115/

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