I AM AN ARMY OF ONE

I am the 18-24 year old being targeted by this new marketing concept, the very embodiment of "what's in it for ME."  The legacy of the politically correct years.  It's okay to be immoral and a pervert, and if anyone tries to  mold me too vigorously into a something that resembles a warrior, I'll tell my congressperson!

I AM AN ARMY OF ONE

Teamwork?  My chain of command consists of ME, MYSELF, and I.  I'm destined to be a dot-com millionaire.  Just give me all that college  money, and take it easy on the discipline stuff.  When divisions of Chinese are racing toward my outpost like rabid lemmings I'll break out my stress card and pack my Task-Force-Smith-smellin' ass back to Milwaukee.

I AM AN ARMY OF ONE

I have Carpal-Tunnel Syndrome, I'm great at Nintendo, and my androgynous, sensitive physique can't handle 10 properly-executed push-ups.  I couldn't blast my way into an old folk's home, let alone stand my ground in an impromptu bar room brawl.  I am a product of social engineering and 6  hours of TV a day; my idea of a "Survivor" is not a Medal of Honor winner who killed three Vietnamese with his e-tool before being shot and left for dead, but a pudgy, manipulative gay guy on an island shared with other losers.

I AM AN ARMY OF ONE

Concepts like duty, honor, and country are passe'.  If it involves sacrifice of my individuality to become part of a team, I'll punch out and spend the rest of my life hanging out with my Microsoft employee slackerbuddies in Seattle, speaking in learned tones about an unfortunate period in my life where I endured the indignities of military service. Oh, the Patton movie?  Haven't seen it.

I AM AN ARMY OF ONE

Gimme Gimme Gimme.  What can I do for my country?  Ha. Let me ask that after I've feathered my nest like so many of the non-veteran, draft-dodging, privileged Ivy Leaguers populating Capitol Hill.  Cater to me first, pander to me as an individual, and after I don the uniform, continue to treat me with kid gloves, and let me punch out before things get really tough-where I might actually have to risk my life for my country, because...

I AM AN ARMY OF ONE!!!!