1. The only ashtrays at home are 105mm shell casings.
2. You're always accusing your wife of turning the volume down on the TV, telephone, doorbell, etc.
3. You cannot pass gas without saying "On the way!"
4. You wish it wasn't illegal to stick your head out of the sunroof while driving.
5. You refer to Fort Knox as home.
6. You refer to George S. Patton as "Him".
7. You consider four as the right number of people to have in a family.
8. The only kind of scouts you are aware of are Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts.
9. You laugh whenever someone mentions the thrill of firing a big bore gun such as a .308.
10. "Up" is no longer a direction to you.
11. You believe a hammer can fix anything.
12. You invite all your friends to a barbecue and all three show up.
13. You drive everywhere, even if it's two houses down.
14. Your wife is always reminding you to bring the lounge chairs and cooler home.
15. You sleep better sitting in your chair than you do in your bed.
16. You can sleep through the worst thunderstorm but wake up immediately when your clock radio goes off.
17. You believe radial tires are overrated.
18. Your hunting dog obeys such commands as; "halt," "traverse left/right," "forward," and "identified."
19. You were doing drive-by shootings before they were a fad.
20. You think nothing of your kids peeing off the porch instead of using the bathroom.
21. You use old track to surround your wife's small garden.
22. You replace all your wife's flower vases with shinier ones after each gunnery.
23. You get mad whenever your wife puts anything away and it's not by the load plan.
24. It takes you a few extra minutes in the morning to remember that the throttle for your car is on the floor.
25. You use your child's telescope to track passing cars.
26. Your child's first words are "Not my echelon."
27. You believe that a combat load should not interfere with the amount of coffee and propane you pack.
28. You would help your kids with math if only you had all your fingers.