1. "It is essentially two sentences saying the same thing connected
by a sentence that says nothing." - Major Patch
The XO uttered this one late night when my troops and I were working late. For days, we had been processing awards and were getting really tired of bad award write-ups when Major Patch uttered this classic line. It perfectly captured what we had to deal with.
2. "No good deed goes unpunished." - Major Patch
Yet another witticism of pessimism from the good old XO.
3. "My heart bleeds purple Kool-Aid for ya, but I got a serious case
of the ass about it." - Captain Norquist
Actually two classics in one. Captain (now Major) Brent Norquist expresses his feelings in the only way a Supply Officer can.
4. "A deception plan must actually have a plan!" - LtCol Hawkins
The CO, who happens to be the most competitive person I have ever met, yelled this in the finals of the base basketball championships. When we lost at the last moment and won 2nd place, the CO stormed out before he could receive the trophy, uttering the next classic line:
5. "Second place only means first loser!" - LtCol Hawkins
6. "You guys insist on being the bottleneck!" - Major Patch to G6
The XO was really frustrated with G6.
7. Major Patch: "Does maintenance have anything?"
Top Oliphant: "Oh, we're cool, Sir. Just keep supportin' us."
This is when Top was sent to the weekly staff meeting and was caught off guard when it was his turn to speak.
8. "Bonus? When I re-enlisted, I got shit and cake. And they were
out of cake!"
This was a line I used often but it actually originated from SGT Brown, a MECEPer from my college days.
9. "And at this point, you, my friend, will be the ass of the entire
1st Marine Division." - Captain Norquist
The SupO was explaining 2ndlt Shottenkirk's role in the Officers' Center during the Division Change of Command. Shott was the last man in the last element and therefore had to signal "UP"" when he was in place.
10. "The signal to cease fire will be a brown star cluster in my
trou." - Captain Kehrmeyer
This classic was shared during a poker game when he was explaining some of his field orders he sometimes gave.
11. "I'll blow mud!" - Captain Kehrmeyer on the seriousness of winning farting contests
12. "He couldn't pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were
written on the bottom." - Top Mikolajczyk
Top, one of the most caring men I have ever met, came up with this one. If Top Mike says this about you. there is no doubt you are one lost cause!