"We, the sensible people of the United States, in an
attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of
justice, avoid any more riots, keep our nation safe, promote
positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt free liberty
to ourselves and our great-great-great-grandchildren, hereby
try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense
guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt ridden, delusional,
and other liberal, bedwetters. We hold these truths to be self-evident:
that a whole lot of people are confused by the Bill of Rights
and are so dim that they require a Bill of No Rights.
ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen
TV or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can
legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing you anything;
not even your parents.
ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended.
This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for
everyone - not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel,
express a different opinion, etc., but the world is full of
idiots, and probably always will be, so get used to it.
ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from harm.
If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful,
do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your
relatives independently wealthy.
ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing.
Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will
gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary
of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch
potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another
generation of professional couch potatoes.
ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care.
That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're
just not interested in public health care run by our governmental
bureaucracy.
ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm
other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill
someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see you
fry in the electric chair.
ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions
of others. If you rob, cheat or coerce away the goods or services
of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get
together and lock you away in a place where you still won't
have the right to a big screen color TV or a life of leisure.
ARTICLE VIII: You don't have the right to demand that our children
risk their lives in foreign wars to soothe your aching conscience.
We hate oppressive governments and won't lift a finger to stop
you from going to fight if you'd like. However, we do not enjoy
parenting the entire world and do not want to spend so much
of our time battling each and every little tyrant with a military
uniform and a funny hat who likes attention.
ARTICLE IX: You don't have the right to a job. All of us
sure want all of you to have one, and will gladly help you along
in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities
of education and vocational training laid before you to make
yourself useful.
ARTICLE X: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an
American means that you have the right to pursue happiness -
which by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by
an overabundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who
were confused by the Bill of Rights.
|