have quite figured out why the sexual urges of men & women
differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Mars &
Venus thing. And, I never have figured out why men think with
their heads and women with their hearts. And, I never yet have
figured out how the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state
of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do."
One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says,
"I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said, "WHAT??" So she says the words that I and
every husband on the planet dreads. She explains that I must
not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman.
I'm thinking, "What was her first clue?" I finally
realize that nothing is going to happen that night, so I went
The very next day we went shopping at a department store...I
walked around while she tried on three very expensive outfits.
She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her to take
all three of them. She then tells me that she wants matching
shoes worth $200 each to which I say OK.
And then we go to the Jewelry department where she gets
a set of diamond earrings. Let me tell you ...she was so excited.
She must have thought that I was one wave short of a shipwreck,
but I don't think she cared. I think she was testing me when
she asked for a tennis bracelet because she doesn't even play
tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I told her that
it was OK to buy it.
She was almost sexually excited from all of this and you
should have seen her face when she said, "I'm ready to
go, let's go to the cash register." I could hardly contain
myself when I blurted out, "No, honey. I don't feel like
buying all this stuff now." Her face went completely blank.
I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this
stuff for a while." And just when she had this look like
she was going to kill me, I added, "You must not be in
tune with my financial needs as a Man."
I figure that I should be having sex again sometime during
the spring thaw.