1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 since
the last oil change.
2. Drink a cup of coffee.
3. 15 minutes later, write a check for 25 dollars and leave
with a properly maintained vehicle.
1. Go to O'Reilly Auto Parts and write a check for 50 dollars
for oil, filter, oil lift (AKA kitty litter), hand cleaner and
2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead
of taking back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back
3. Open a beer and drink it.
4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7. Place drain pan under engine.
8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9. Give up and use crescent wrench. Round off 4 of 6 points
10. Unscrew drain plug.
11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you
12. Clean up.
13. Have another beer while oil is draining.
14. Look for oil filter wrench.
15. Give up; poke oil filter with Phillips screwdriver and
twist it off. Oil drains down arm and collects in armpit. Oil
is still hot.
17. Buddy shows up; finish case with him. Finish oil change
18. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath
19. Throw oil lift (AKA kitty litter) on oil spilled during
20. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21. Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22. Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat
of clean oil to gasket first.
23. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24. Remember drain plug from step 11.
25. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26. Hurry to replace drain plug before the whole quart of
fresh oil drains onto floor.
27. Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame.
28. Bang head on floor board in reaction.
29. Begin cussing fit.
30. Throw wrench.
31. Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss
December (1992) in the left boob.
32. Clean up; apply Band-Aid to knuckle.
35. Dump in additional 4 quarts of oil.
37. Lower car from jack stands
38. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.
39. Move car back to apply more oil lift (AKA kitty litter)
to fresh oil spilled during step 23.
40. Drive car 1/2 quart low for 7000 miles when it'll be
time for another oil change.