1. I call my boss Mike, his boss Larry, and his boss Bob.
2. Kiwi regains the meaning: "a flightless bird native to
3. I'm now making full use of both arms for carrying items,
and (once realized I don't wear one anymore) save loads of time
not looking for my hat.
4. One look at my new paycheck and I now know why they called
it the L.E.S.(s).
5. Any time saved not ironing my uniform in the morning
is lost trying to figure out what to wear to work.
6. I can again use the "passive" voice in my writing without
the grammar police smacking my knuckles.
7. Forget to shave? Just tell 'em you're starting
your beard that day! Haircut? Ha!
8. Can walk to the right side of Mike, Larry, and Bob without
violating some medieval concept of courtesy.
9. Have finally worked "Yes Sir," "Yes Ma'am," "NCO," and "F***
this" out of my daily vocabulary.
10. Business lunches, golfing, and baseball season tickets are
considered an essential part of work.
11. The ability to ride a bike for eight minutes and keep your
body fat below 20% is not confused for intelligence, leadership
potential, or degree of motivation. (obviously the Air
12. Have determined brown T-shirts and olive drab socks go with
nothing in the real world.
13. Can fly to New Zealand to see those small flightless birds
without having to get permission and a bunch of signatures on
a form 988 (leave form #).
14. Can't remember the last time the shoes I wore to work got
any mud on them.
15. Office empty at 5:15 PM. Only people left behind are
ex-military whose wives couldn't take the shock of seeing their
spouses before 7:00 PM.
16. No guards at the entrance to my office.
17. People look at you real funny if your black work shoes are
so shiny that you can see yourself in them.
18. No harassment from people with nothing better to do than
worry whether my coat is zipped or not.
19. I can sleep soundly knowing that I actually have to do something
illegal by US law to get punished.
20. My charlies cover looked like a WHAT from the top?!
21. What the hell is a blousing strap again?
22. I will never wear a belt again.