Captain Grose's Humor pages

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How to Tell You are n Longer in the Military

 

 
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1. I call my boss Mike, his boss Larry, and his boss Bob.

2. Kiwi regains the meaning: "a flightless bird native to New Zealand."

3. I'm now making full use of both arms for carrying items, and (once realized I don't wear one anymore) save loads of time not looking for my hat.

4. One look at my new paycheck and I now know why they called it the L.E.S.(s).

5. Any time saved not ironing my uniform in the morning is lost trying to figure out what to wear to work.

6. I can again use the "passive" voice in my writing without the grammar police smacking my knuckles.

7. Forget to shave?  Just tell 'em you're starting your beard that day! Haircut?  Ha!

8. Can walk to the right side of Mike, Larry, and Bob without violating some medieval concept of courtesy.
 
9. Have finally worked "Yes Sir," "Yes Ma'am," "NCO," and "F*** this" out of my daily vocabulary.
 
10. Business lunches, golfing, and baseball season tickets are considered an essential part of work.
 
11. The ability to ride a bike for eight minutes and keep your body fat below 20% is not confused for intelligence, leadership potential, or degree of  motivation. (obviously the Air Force)
 
12. Have determined brown T-shirts and olive drab socks go with nothing in the real world.
 
13. Can fly to New Zealand to see those small flightless birds without having to get permission and a bunch of signatures on a form 988 (leave form #).
 
14. Can't remember the last time the shoes I wore to work got any mud on them.
 
15. Office empty at 5:15 PM.  Only people left behind are ex-military whose wives couldn't take the shock of seeing their spouses before 7:00 PM.
 
16. No guards at the entrance to my office.
 
17. People look at you real funny if your black work shoes are so shiny that you can see yourself in them.
 
18. No harassment from people with nothing better to do than worry whether my coat is zipped or not.
 
19. I can sleep soundly knowing that I actually have to do something illegal by US law to get punished.
 
20. My charlies cover looked like a WHAT from the top?!
 
21. What the hell is a blousing strap again?

22. I will never wear a belt again.


Email -- jdgrose115@polyglut.net
Web -- http://members.tripod.com/~jdgrose115/

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