As I explained in The Trip, we left Saturday about noon (the
marathon was on Sunday) and that morning, me and another guy I
ran with got up early to run the Marines on weight control like
we do every Saturday morning (we make them show up to run, thus
ruining their weekends until they get the clue that they better
get into shape if they ever want a full weekend off).
So I did not eat that morning and was starving by the time
we took off. We stopped at Del Taco and I ordered a one-pound
Mucho-Macho burrito. Not the smartest thing, you say? Nonsense,
I justified it as “carbo-loading.” Ok, it was stupid, but I
When we got to Lone Pine, we had dinner that night at an
Italian restaurant where I had a huge pan of lasagna and bread.
A LOT of lasagna. Then we went to a café where I had
cheesecake and two cups of coffee. We were pounding water all
day so hydration was not a problem. I had many hours to “Do
the Deed” if you know what I mean, in order to run sans extra
food in the old digestive tract. I expected to, er, make a deposit
that night but lo and behold, it was not to be. I went to bed
with the trailer still loaded.
That morning, I woke up at 0330 because I could not sleep.
The race started at 0700 and we all agreed to wake up early
and get some breakfast. I took a bath to loosen my muscles and
tried to relax. I still had not visited the porcelain receptor
and was getting a little worried. We went to the café
and had eggs and hash browns followed by two more cups of coffee.
Now that should start things going. Right? You would think so,
So let's review: In total, I had eaten a ungodly one pound
burrito, a huge pan of lasagna and bread, cheesecake, 4 cups
of coffee, scrambled eggs, and hash browns. The trouble was
that a certain bodily function had failed to step up to the
plate (or bowl, if you will). I therefore had an unimaginable
amount of food still in me and I was about to embark on the
longest, most arduous physical event of my life. I hoped and
prayed for last minute heroics before the race. Oh, why have
you forsaken me?
But, it came game time and the reckoning was not to be.
I was at the start line thinking that I had failed in my timing
and was carrying around more weight in my bowels than I wanted
to think about.